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Author Topic: Off topic advice  (Read 7655 times)

Offline magoo99

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Off topic advice
« on: January 08, 2013, 09:24:57 AM »
Hey guys and gals, hope everyone had a great Christmas.
I would like your advice,  one of my bands (Celtic) is going along pretty good, music wise. we are getting a lot of gigs and have a good following. we are even  talking a CD in the near future. Problem is that  2 of the lads don't get along, and I'm stuck right in the middle. they both call me up complaning about the other and I'm Scared that anyday there will be a blow up and goodbye band..LOL
I want both guys in the band, they are great singers and one is a great guitarist.   talking to them as a group is a option, but i i think it will blow up then.
Rock and a hard spot to say the least.
should i stay the f**k out of it? or try to fix things?
 

Offline Rocket

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Re: Off topic advice
« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2013, 11:44:03 AM »
It's like that with ALL bands. People are complex, people are individuals, (also complex individuals.)
You probably can't fix whatever their issues are with each other... but you can stay out of the middle of it.

Offline magoo99

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Re: Off topic advice
« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2013, 12:33:43 PM »
Yes your 100% right people/bands Rocket.   that's the way i feel,  I should let them get over it themselves.  my buddy thinks i should step in before i spend money on a CD and lose one of them, (band members) this will change our bands sound big time.
 

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Re: Off topic advice
« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2013, 02:23:11 PM »
Best advice is what Rocket said it can only hurt you to get in the middle of things either the band survives or it doesn't should it come to that.ship
but it does suck

Offline magoo99

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Re: Off topic advice
« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2013, 02:25:16 PM »
Yup, sucks more because they are both really good long time friends.
 

Offline cedwards

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Re: Off topic advice
« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2013, 02:35:07 PM »
1) Refuse to engage in those conversations. Tell them to talk to each other, not you.

2) Sometimes a good blow-out is all that's needed to clear the air. Let it happen.
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Offline Rocket

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Re: Off topic advice
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2013, 02:54:25 PM »
Yup, sucks more because they are both really good long time friends.
That doesn't have to change.
One is never required to take sides. Merely let them both know up front that you consider them both friends and therefore will not be taking sides.
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Offline copperhead

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Re: Off topic advice
« Reply #7 on: January 10, 2013, 04:35:58 AM »
I'll make a comment here, with the following "disclaimer": I am not a part of a band, nor ever have been and probably never will be. So I do not speak from experience. I do have some knowledge of the culture and organisations.

We live in a day and age of hyper-individualism that has been perverted to the detriment of the overall good.

I'm sure there is probably more to this scenario than what's posted. But based on what is given, I'd set these two down and tell them , in a professional way, to get over it, and set their vision on greater things (like a CD) and get back to work.

Then I would generate a back-up plan for worst case if they fail to resolve the problems between them. Start looking for replacements.
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Offline wn50 d10s12 h1260 ej200

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Re: Off topic advice
« Reply #8 on: January 11, 2013, 10:38:04 PM »
Hey!Just my $0.02 (CDN) worth,here;The only response either caller would have garnered would be,"I don't want to hear it.Tearing others down won't do any of us good."I'd sooner lose a band than a friend,and none of my friends are required to like each other,but they all know I don't tolerate smack talk.My late father had a lot of pearls of wisdom he passed to us,and this is one of my favourites:"Friends are people who know you.and like you anyway."Peace,out-Jamie.AND-Good luck!
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Offline Tony Raven

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Re: Off topic advice
« Reply #9 on: January 13, 2013, 02:21:45 AM »
BTDT -- a good example of why I swore I'd never be "in charge" of a band again unless I actually OWN the show & am basically hiring sidemen.

I love drama -- makes for a good show -- but I detest bad melodrama, where we've all seen the plot before & know how it's gonna play out.

You should be quietly auditioning at least one replacement who could slot right into a gig & do a half-decent job of keeping the show together. Tell the boys that it's pretty clear they don't want to work together, so just a matter of time until you need a fill-in, right? Suggest to each that if they can't sort it out one way or another, they CAN be replaced.

Are your Lost Boys "drama queens"? That is, if one quit, would the other just find more stuff to make him whine & stamp his little foot? If so, then it's clear who should be eased toward the nearest airlock.

I wasn't a whiner, back in my early days onstage, but I was definitely a perfectionist. If someone was off-tune, or our beats weren't metronome tight, I'd spend our breaks stomping around backstage, totally off-pissed (& that's back when I wasn't drinking!!). Took me half a decade to mellow, but now I can grab a cheap acoustic with one busted string & three out of tune, belt out a lively set single-handed, & leave the audience wanting more. Not that I'm particularly talented -- it's a matter of attitude: I learned that the main point of a performance is the performance, not note-perfect recitation.

And I figured it out because I wanted to figure it out. As Aleister Crowley said, it does no good teaching those who need most to be taught -- ya gotta wanna change. Tell the boys that this nonsense MUST change, or the situation will be changed FOR them. Ignoring it & hoping for the best is waaaaay more faith than I would spare.
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Offline Junior88

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Re: Off topic advice
« Reply #10 on: January 13, 2013, 10:57:15 AM »
I can't help, but this sounds an awful lot like high school..  ::)



 ;)

Offline evenkeel

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Re: Off topic advice
« Reply #11 on: January 13, 2013, 12:51:07 PM »
I can't help, but this sounds an awful lot like high school..  ::)

Bad news Jr..  "Life" is an awful lot like high school.  Goofy human behavior tends to continue until you're toes up.
 

Offline magoo99

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Re: Off topic advice
« Reply #12 on: January 22, 2013, 08:42:05 AM »
Thanks for all the advice,  I had a little chat with both guys and kinda of let them know that i was stressing a little about what was going on.
Told both that i was thinking on leaving the band at a time when we are just getting to were we want.  thankfully both were good about it and decided to shake hands and let the past lie were it needs to be, in the past.(never said anything they were saying about each other or even that they were talking about each other)
we played a big gig this weekend and it went perfect,  cant believe we got paid well to have this much fun.   so maybe having a man to super diva chat was the right thing, when done tastefully. 

now the new problem is having to tell my wife about all our new bookings, jewelry will help I'm sure...LMAO
 

Offline evenkeel

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Re: Off topic advice
« Reply #13 on: January 22, 2013, 08:46:06 AM »
Nicely done magoo.  Maybe a life lesson.  Approach things calmly, rationally, with good grace and humour and things tend to go well.
 

Offline cedwards

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Re: Off topic advice
« Reply #14 on: January 22, 2013, 10:42:04 AM »
Jewellery ALWAYS helps  ;D
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